The Cost He Had in Mind

Paul sets a standard that should stop a man in his tracks. He writes, "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." The measure he holds up is a laying down of self, the willingness to give up what you want for the sake of the one you married. Pornography runs in the opposite direction. It takes without giving, feeding a private appetite while your wife sleeps in the next room unaware of where your mind has gone.

When you begin to see her the way Christ sees the church, as someone worth your sacrifice, the secret indulgence starts to look like the theft it is. This does not mean you love her by gritting your teeth and white-knuckling your way through the night. Christ gave himself up out of a love that was already there, and he is willing to grow that same love in you when your own runs thin.

Ask him to. Tell him you want to love your wife with something more than leftover energy, and let him begin the slow work of turning a taker into a man who gives.