--- title: "How Should a Church Address Pornography Among Its Men?" canonical: https://www.boldmen.org/how-churches-can-help-men-with-pornography type: WebPage updated: 2026-10-29T08:18:41.814121+00:00 description: "Pornography is in every congregation. How a church can break the silence, give men a safe place to confess, care for wives, and build lasting accountability." publisher: "B.O.L.D. (Brothers Overcoming Lustful Desires)" organization: "B.O.L.D. (Brothers Overcoming Lustful Desires)" organizationUrl: https://www.boldmen.org/ contactEmail: bryan@boldmen.org --- # How Should a Church Address Pornography Among Its Men? ## Start by assuming it is here The most dangerous assumption a church can make is that pornography is someone else's problem. It is not. It is present among the men who usher, teach, lead worship and serve on your boards — and it is present among the teenagers in your youth group. A church that assumes otherwise builds a culture where men hide. The goal is not to shame men. It is to make honesty possible. ## 1. Break the silence from the front Men take their cue from the platform. When a pastor names pornography plainly — without euphemism, and without contempt for those caught in it — men hear that this is a place where it can be spoken about. - Name it in sermons, not only in a men's breakfast. - Speak to the shame as well as the sin. Shame drives men further into hiding. - Say clearly where a man can go **this week** for help. ## 2. Give men a safe place to confess Confession needs a container. A sermon cannot hold it; a large group cannot hold it; a single accountability partner often fades. What works is a **small, named, recurring group** of men with a leader and a **code of silence**, so a man can tell the whole truth. That is the model B.O.L.D. uses: **packs of four to six men with a leader**, meeting weekly, checking in daily, and working through a curriculum that addresses the roots of sexual sin, not just the behavior. > *"Confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed."* — James 5:16 ## 3. Make it daily, not occasional Temptation is daily, so accountability has to be daily too. A once-a-month question at a men's group can't keep up. A one-tap daily check-in — clear, tempted, or a setback — gives a pack a real signal, so brothers can reach out the same day a man is struggling. ## 4. Care for the wives Pornography and infidelity wound wives deeply, and many churches only focus on the husband. Wives need their own care: women who understand, counsel when needed, and the assurance that their healing matters on its own. B.O.L.D. has a women's ministry and [resources written for wives](/for-wives). ## 5. Equip leaders, not just programs A group lives or dies by its leader. He needs training, a clear sense of when a situation is beyond him, and a plan for crises: a marriage in trouble, a relapse, thoughts of self-harm, or anything involving a minor, which must always be reported. B.O.L.D.'s **Bold Leader Handbook** is a full leadership manual for exactly this. See [/books](/books). ## 6. Respect dignity and privacy Men will only stay in a ministry they trust. Leaders should never be in the business of reading a man's browsing. Tools a church recommends should protect a man's dignity: if he chooses device protection, his pack is told that something was blocked and when — not what it was. See [what church leaders see](/what-church-leaders-see). ## 7. Plan for the long haul Freedom is built over months and years. Expect setbacks, and treat them as moments for the brotherhood to close in, not for a man to be pushed out. Groups grow by splitting: when a pack reaches six, it becomes two, with a leader trained in the first. ## Where B.O.L.D. comes in B.O.L.D. is a Christian men's ministry that helps churches do all of this — packs, daily check-ins, the workbook, leader training, the Bold Leader Handbook, help for wives, and the free Watchman app. Start at [Start B.O.L.D. at your church](/start-bold-at-your-church), or read [how to start a men's accountability ministry](/how-to-start-a-mens-accountability-ministry). ## How should a church address pornography? Name it plainly from the pulpit, give men a small confidential group where they can confess, make accountability daily rather than occasional, care for wives directly, equip leaders with training and a crisis plan, protect men's dignity, and plan for the long haul. ## Why isn't preaching about pornography enough? A sermon can name the problem, but confession and change need a container: a small, recurring group of men with a leader and a code of silence, where a man is fully known and checked on daily. ## How can a church care for wives affected by pornography? Treat their healing as its own priority, not only as part of the husband's recovery: women who understand, counseling when needed, and no pressure to simply forgive and move on. B.O.L.D. has a women's ministry and resources for wives. ## What should a men's group leader do in a crisis? He should know when a situation is beyond him: thoughts of self-harm, a marriage in danger, or anything involving a minor, which must always be reported. B.O.L.D.'s Bold Leader Handbook covers these in detail. ## Where can a church get help starting a men's accountability ministry? B.O.L.D. helps churches start packs of 4 to 6 men with a leader: a conversation with the founder, training for your point person, a team member at your first meeting, follow-up, the Bold Leader Handbook and the free Watchman app. Source: https://www.boldmen.org/how-churches-can-help-men-with-pornography